10 Questions to Determine if Your Pastor is a Calvinist

c0fe5b299ba3a96fd09b066e05d8377ead33696c57d6da73608210cf6eb2f358Do you have a hankering that your pastor is a Calvinist? Here are ten diagnostic questions to determine whether he is, in fact, one of the frozen-chosen.

  1.  Does your pastor's profile picture feature him in front of a bookshelf, with a Bible in his hands, or in a suit standing at a pulpit with his hands in the air, signaling that the field goal was good?
  2. Did your pastor name his children, regardless of gender, after a minor prophet, a less known Reformer, or a Greek word (e.g. Obadiah, Melanchthon, Karis)?
  3. Does your pastor often share Spurgeon's quote about how having a beard is a godly thing?
  4. Does your pastor drop phrases in Latin (e.g. coram deo, sola gratia) even though he doesn't know Latin?
  5. Does your pastor say, "Well, like the Bible says, 'Some are chosen and some just aren’t'," when a person isn't picked for the church softball team?
  6. Does your pastor use the phrase Gospel-centered to describe everything? Example: Wow, that was a Gospel-centered cheeseburger.
  7. Does your pastor smoke a pipe and have a bottle opener on his key ring?
  8. Does your pastor say things like, "We will be worshiping God for all eternity and you can't meditate on the glory of God for just a little while?!" when someone complains about his 100 minute sermon?
  9. Does your pastor reference more commentaries in his sermon than Bible verses?
  10. Is his favorite holiday Election Day?

If the answer to three or more of these questions is yes, then I'm afraid  your pastor is more than likely a Calvinist. Respond accordingly.